Werbeanalyse für die Schule. Einmal gegenlesen bitte ;)

[patrix]

Moin,
ich muss für die Fachoberschule eine Werbeanalyse auf englisch machen. Es wäre nett wenn jemand mal meine Werbespotbeschreibung lesen würde und für ein paar Tipps wäre ich sehr dankbar


This is a description of a japanese television advertising spot. This commercial was filmed in Tokyo at the advertising agency studios of Dentsu. Dentsu is one the five greatest commercial agency´s in the whole world. The spot advertises the Japanese television network wowow and it starts with a couple of a white woman with a red dress and blond hair. The asian man has black and short hair on his head while he wears a black suit with a slightly golden and chequered neck tie. He also gets rounded spectacles on his nose. Both are about 30 years old and they are for diner in a restaurant somewhere not in japan. The woman asks her boyfriend whether everything is fine. He responds that he breaks of the relationship. After this the woman gets louder and she always repeats her question why he breaks off to her and he reacts every time that he need to go back to japan. He commands that she should never ask him and while this he takes on his leather gloves, aviator cap and glasses. On his way out of the restaurant she catches a lower part of his coat between her fork and the table so he pull it behind him until the trap door stops the table and the coat tears. Out of the restaurant he gets into a Mitsubishi A6M aircraft and rapidly flies away but his ex-girlfriend throws a high heel shoe after his aeroplane. The shoe plugs in the aerofoil and he left the steering to get on the aerofoil. He gets the shoe but it flows away into the rudder at the rear an he plunges down. While he is falling down he tries to fly with his arms but certainly without success.

Danke

[NOBBY]

Sehr geiler Spot !

...Aber das ist ja eigentlich nur die Beschreibung des Geschehens...

...und keine Analyse.

Falls vorhanden...stell mal n'en Link (youtube etc) ein

[-Philippe-]

Zitat von patrix

Moin,
ich muss für die Fachoberschule eine Werbeanalyse auf englisch machen. Es wäre nett wenn jemand mal meine Werbespotbeschreibung lesen würde und für ein paar Tipps wäre ich sehr dankbar


This is a description of a japanese television advertising spot. This commercial was filmed in Tokyo at the advertising agency studios of Dentsu. Dentsu is one of the five greatest commercial agency´s in the whole world. The spot advertises the Japanese television network wowow and it starts with a couple of a white woman with a red dress and blond hair. The asian man has black and short hair on his head while he wears a black suit with a slightly golden and chequered neck tie. He also gets rounded spectacles on his nose. Both are about 30 years old and they are for diner in a restaurant somewhere not in japan. The woman asks her boyfriend whether everything is fine. He responds that he breaks of the relationship. After this the woman gets louder and she always repeats her question why he breaks off to her and he reacts every time that he need to go back to japan. He commands that she should never ask him and while this he takes on his leather gloves, aviator cap and glasses. On his way out of the restaurant she catches a lower part of his coat between her fork and the table so he pull it behind him until the trap door stops the table and the coat tears. Out of the restaurant he gets into a Mitsubishi A6M aircraft and rapidly flies away but his ex-girlfriend throws a high heel shoe after his aeroplane. The shoe plugs in the aerofoil and he left the steering to get on the aerofoil. He gets the shoe but it flows away into the rudder at the rear an he plunges down. While he is falling down he tries to fly with his arms but certainly without success.

Danke

(ROT= einfügen)
(GELB= streichen)
(Smiley= Bis dahin bin ich ab da kann dann jemand anderes weiter machen; jeder einen Satz und wir sind schnell fertig)

[Sackmann Deluxe]

Zitat von patrix

Moin,
ich muss für die Fachoberschule eine Werbeanalyse auf englisch machen. Es wäre nett wenn jemand mal meine Werbespotbeschreibung lesen würde und für ein paar Tipps wäre ich sehr dankbar


This is a description of a japanese television advertising spot. This commercial was filmed in Tokyo at the advertising agency studios of Dentsu. Dentsu is one the five greatest commercial agency´s in the whole world. The spot advertises the Japanese television network wowow and it starts with a couple of a white woman with a red dress and blond hair. The asian man has black and short hair on his head while he wears a black suit with a slightly golden and chequered neck tie. He also gets rounded spectacles on his nose. Both are about 30 years old and they are for diner in a restaurant somewhere not in japan. The woman asks her boyfriend whether everything is fine. He responds that he breaks of the relationship. After this the woman gets louder and she always repeats her question why he breaks off to her and he reacts every time that he need to go back to japan. He commands that she should never ask him and while this he takes on his leather gloves, aviator cap and glasses. On his way out of the restaurant she catches a lower part of his coat between her fork and the table so he pull it behind him until the trap door stops the table and the coat tears. Out of the restaurant he gets into a Mitsubishi A6M aircraft and rapidly flies away but his ex-girlfriend throws a high heel shoe after his aeroplane. The shoe plugs in the aerofoil and he left the steering to get on the aerofoil. He gets the shoe but it flows away into the rudder at the rear an he plunges down. While he is falling down he tries to fly with his arms but certainly without success.

Danke

Abseits vom Inhalt: Rechtschreibung und Ausdruck

[Sackmann Deluxe]

.This - was ? Ersetzen, 2x This ist nicht gut.
.one of the
.agencies
.network 'wowow'
.a couple of a white woman with a red dress and blond hair. The asian - Sätze verbinden
.gets rounded - wears round
.they are for diner - ausdruck
.somewhere not in japan - ausdruck
.he breaks of the relationship - ausdruck
.the woman gets louder - ausdruck
.he breaks off to her - ausdruck, geht nicht
.he reacts every time- ausdruck
.he need - s muss mit
.she should never ask him - ask him again ?
.while this -ausdruck, geht nicht
.takes on- ausdruck
.catches a lower part of his coat between her fork and the table- ausdruck, unklar
.he pull it- s muss mit
.out of the restaurant - ausdruck
.plugs in- ausdruck, unklar
.he left- he leaves
.steering- rudder
.get on the aerofoil- unklar
.gets- ausdruck
.it flows away- ausdruck
.certainly- streichen

[patrix]

Vielen Dank für eure Hilfe! Habe die Beschreibung jetzt mit Sackmanns Berichtigung verbessert und das ist denke ich auch ganz gut geworden.

Falls jemand noch mal einen kurzen Blick über meine Analyse nach groben Fehlern wirft wäre das auch sehr cool. Den Spot finde ich leider nicht im Netz...

[patrix]

Analyse

The product for this commercial is a japanese television network. The makers create a typical scene of a special agent who needs to leave his girlfriend. They try to reach the viewers emotions with a dramatical love initiation. The dialogue is not very diversified and also not really fundamental for the ambition of the advertisement. Their sentences are limited to an amount of three with exception of several recurring words. A non asian restaurant is the location in that introduction but shortly after that scene it converts into an action clip. With special effects the makers impressively show how suspenseful action movies can be. In addition a daffy gag emphasizes the comedy genre, too.
The notion with this advertising spot is to reach potential spectators with one of the various most popular movie genres whereby they promote their feature film channel to win higher viewer levels.

[mxpanda]

Ich hab mal was angestrichen, bin aber bei manchem selber nicht ganz sicher. Mir kam der Satzbau manchmal sehr komisch vor. Ich kann mit diesem deutschen Schulenglisch aber auch nichts anfangen Seit ich aus Canada wieder hier war, hatte ich nur noch 3en in Englisch. ^^

Makers?! Gibts sowas?! Ich hätte evtl. "producer" genommen.

Ab und zu vermute ich du denkst das richtige, schreibst aber vom Sinn her was anderes hin.

Rot= austauschen
Navy=evtl. einsetzen
Gelb=Satzbau, bzw. Sinn

Zitat von patrix

Analyse

The product for this commercial is a japanese television network. The makers create a typical scene of a special agent who needs to leave his girlfriend. They try to reach the viewers emotions with a dramatical love initiation. The dialogue is not very diversified and also not really fundamental for the ambition of the advertisement. Their sentences are limited to an amount of three "words. " with exception of several recurring (wichtig?). A non asian restaurant is the location in thatwhich the introduction takes place but shortly after that scene it converts into an action clip. With special effects the makers impressively show how suspenseful action movies can be. In addition a daffy gag emphasizes the comedy genre, too.
The notion with this advertising spot is to reach potential spectators with one of the various most popular movie genres whereby they (Beziehungsfehler auf "this advertising") promote their feature film channel to win higher viewer levels.

[phen]

a couple of womEn - einige frauen - PLURAL

achso, ...oder

a couple of a woman and a man

(etwa: ein pärchen aus einer frau und einem mann)